It was supposed to be four feathers, actually.
I’m in a whole slew of online quilting bees right now, and for one of the bees we were asked to make blocks for Anna Maria Horner’s Feather Bed Quilt. So I downloaded the pattern and was immediately freaked out by all the templates. Five of them, including two that are pretty obnoxiously tiny.
I put it off, and I put it off, and February ended and I still had no blocks because I didn’t want to deal with templates like, ever. (You are supposed to say “like, ever” in your best Taylor Swift voice, a la “We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.” Eye roll is optional.)
You see, I hate templates. I hate them with a violent passion. I don’t like tracing things (I make mistakes, or the template shifts and I make a mess). I don’t like cutting out tiny shapes (my scissor skills sucked even when I was in grade school). So templates = yuck.
I managed to piece together some strips for the feather parts about ten days ago, and I pressed the requisite “low volume” background fabric. It sat and sat and sat on the back of a dining room chair, glowering at me. In my defense, my husband was out of town on a business trip for the week, leaving me at home alone with a toddler (when did that happen? she used to be a baby!) and after spending the evening entertaining, chasing, and cajoling her to eat something that isn’t yogurt, crackers, or maple-scented Waffle Wheels, I was pooped. So nothing productive whatsoever took place in the 45 minutes after I finished getting La to bed, getting myself cleaned up, and doing whatever random household crap needed doing (dishes! laundry! garbage! etc.!). I mostly just sat on the couch watching TV.
Yesterday, I decided that enough was enough. I had to get these blocks done. So I grouchily cut out the pieces, starting by making a huge cutting mistake that used approximately half of my strips. Whoops. You know how you’re always told to read directions before you start cutting? You should.
I cursed and swore and ranted as I cut every little inky-dinky piece from those obnoxious templates. I used language that would make the people who were offended by the “Give a F*ck” (asterisk not mine) quilt clutch their pearls, turn violet with offense, and waggle all ten fingers in my direction, all at the same time. I think I made up some new offensive slang, all on my own, just by combining multiple scatological/body part words into strings of offensiveness.
(Admittedly, after a while I was just doing it to amuse my husband, who started snickering every time I opened my mouth.)
It didn’t take long to finish, and I am embarrassed to say that I love how they turned out and I am seriously thinking of making some of these blocks for myself.
And that, readers, is the beauty of online bees. They force you to do things that you would not otherwise do, and sometimes you even learn to LIKE IT.
ETA: Linking up to the Let’s Get Acquainted link-up at Owen’s Olivia.March 10, 2013
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