A Tale of Two Feathers

It was supposed to be four feathers, actually.

I’m in a whole slew of online quilting bees right now, and for one of the bees we were asked to make blocks for Anna Maria Horner’s Feather Bed Quilt. So I downloaded the pattern and was immediately freaked out by all the templates. Five of them, including two that are pretty obnoxiously tiny.

I put it off, and I put it off, and February ended and I still had no blocks because I didn’t want to deal with templates like, ever. (You are supposed to say “like, ever” in your best Taylor Swift voice, a la “We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.” Eye roll is optional.)

You see, I hate templates. I hate them with a violent passion. I don’t like tracing things (I make mistakes, or the template shifts and I make a mess). I don’t like cutting out tiny shapes (my scissor skills sucked even when I was in grade school). So templates = yuck.

I managed to piece together some strips for the feather parts about ten days ago, and I pressed the requisite “low volume” background fabric. It sat and sat and sat on the back of a dining room chair, glowering at me. In my defense, my husband was out of town on a business trip for the week, leaving me at home alone with a toddler (when did that happen? she used to be a baby!) and after spending the evening entertaining, chasing, and cajoling her to eat something that isn’t yogurt, crackers, or maple-scented Waffle Wheels, I was pooped. So nothing productive whatsoever took place in the 45 minutes after I finished getting La to bed, getting myself cleaned up, and doing whatever random household crap needed doing (dishes! laundry! garbage! etc.!). I mostly just sat on the couch watching TV.

Yesterday, I decided that enough was enough. I had to get these blocks done. So I grouchily cut out the pieces, starting by making a huge cutting mistake that used approximately half of my strips. Whoops. You know how you’re always told to read directions before you start cutting? You should.

I cursed and swore and ranted as I cut every little inky-dinky piece from those obnoxious templates. I used language that would make the people who were offended by the “Give a F*ck” (asterisk not mine) quilt clutch their pearls, turn violet with offense, and waggle all ten fingers in my direction, all at the same time. I think I made up some new offensive slang, all on my own, just by combining multiple scatological/body part words into strings of offensiveness.

(Admittedly, after a while I was just doing it to amuse my husband, who started snickering every time I opened my mouth.)

It didn’t take long to finish, and I am embarrassed to say that I love how they turned out and I am seriously thinking of making some of these blocks for myself.

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And that, readers, is the beauty of online bees. They force you to do things that you would not otherwise do, and sometimes you even learn to LIKE IT.

ETA: Linking up to the Let’s Get Acquainted link-up at Owen’s Olivia.

Posted on by nanette
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2 comments on “A Tale of Two Feathers

  1. They certainly turned out beautifully, even with all the expletives uttered during production ;0)
    Glad you liked them in the end.
    Hope you are still talking to me.
    Thank you oodles for making them. I love the fabrics you used.
    #theyaregorgeous #ilovethemlots
    xxxx

    • Oh, I love them so much that I’ll probably end up doing more–which is amazing, because normally I’d not go near something like this at all! But like I said, that’s the beauty of bees–they push you out of your comfort zone and make you learn something new. So this was a great exercise for me!

      Also, I can’t wait to see your finished quilt!

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